The Navy Strikes Again

Thursday, April 30, 2009

While I have just had an internal argument with myself about posting this, I have decided to go ahead and do so as my original intent with this blog was to have a venue to express all of my feelings with this wedding planning process.

First, to all of my friends and family reading this who have committed to being at our wedding, have made travel plans, put down deposits, bought bridesmaids dresses, etc. I apologize for the manner in which you are first receiving this news, but I just found out less than an hour ago and am still trying to emotionally decide what to do with this.

Writing helps me figure these things out, so I promise that you will get a phone call tonight from us with further condolences to you, but I thank you in advance for your graciousness and understanding in granting me this one moment to be selfish and figure things out for me.

So here it is: the Navy has said No.

No to our wedding
No to our dreams and plans
No to the wedding dress I have bought, but not even been able to try on
No to allowing us to start in this career happy and settled
No to all of our feelings and
No to our pleading on behalf of us and our family and everyone's financial contributions

They have directed my husband to be to report to his ship, somewhere in the world, at the end of June. This of course, is before our date of July 17th.

My heart is on pause right now. I have cried more in the last hour than I have in the last few years combined. My head, though, I cannot stop my head. I have so many questions.

Why, when we asked specifically not to be assigned to a ship deploying so soon were we assigned to one that was deploying well before even graduation?
Why is this happening to us?
Why didn't I see this coming?
Why did I allow myself to believe that this would all work out so easily last week? The fall would not have been as far if I wouldn't have let myself be so high on the tentative good news
What do we do?
Do we push it up?
Do we wait until he returns in October?
Do we postpone the big wedding and secretly run to the courthouse?
Should we have been planning for that all along?

The one thing that I am not questioning is whether or not we will be married. We will. I am secure in that.
But when? and how?

I know that this may seem silly to some, but the fact is - these are my feelings. They don't need to make sense to anyone but me.

And I am feeling a lot. I feel like all of the time and effort that I have spent planning has been for naught. I feel like this is unfair, and I feel angry. And I wonder if this is a lesson from a greater power than me that I was putting too much emphasis on this one day, or a lesson for some other reason that I do not yet understand. And if this is a lesson about my priorities, or supposed to be, I feel indignant, and that this is so unfair.

This is US. This is not the millions of other couples out there who are not right for each other, or who will end up divorced in two years, this is him and me. The high school sweethearts. The people who have loved each other for so long, and believed in that love, and worked for that love, even when it has been hard, and are ready to pledge to continue doing that until we breathe our last breaths. Why? Why? WHY?

The problem is that I am an action person - I feel the need to do something about this. Sitting around being heartbroken is not my style. Life is tough - get a helmet right? I know that too.

Before the [still] future husband even left his lunch break and our crying session on the couch to go back to school I had already emailed our venue, our church and our photographer seeing what we can do about changing dates, moving deposits and what dates are available. But what else can I do?

There is literally nothing I can do right now. We need to make these decisions, we need to work together to figure out a plan. We will do so. Please believe that we are going to work on this and figure out a solution that we think will be in the best interest of us and all of the people that we love.


"They" say that the hardest job in the military is being a spouse to those in it. And I know, I know that this is just the beginning - but this is what hurts now. Not only do I have to say goodbye to all of the hours of planning that I have done, and to our beautiful summer evening wedding, but I also have to say goodbye to my fiance.

He will not be there with me as we transition into our new life in Norfolk.
He will not be there with me on the day that should have been the happiest day of our lives.
He will be gone.
He will be gone and I don't know what to do with that.

At the moment I am going to take a cue from one of my most beloved literary characters, Katie Scarlett O'Hara (Hamilton Kennedy Butler) and think about that tomorrow. Some may call that denial, I call it coping and compartmentalizing.

Thanks for listening. Or reading. Or whatever. (and for excusing any and all grammar mistakes)

Updates to come - eventually.

12 comments:

♥ Kiki ♥ April 30, 2009  

I love you with all of my heart! And however or whenever it is that you marry the love of your life, I will share in your excitement and happiness because I know that in THIS instance, the journey is not nearly as important as the end result. :)

Cola April 30, 2009  

Oh, Courntey.....my heart is aching so badly for you! I don't know if it will help or not, but in my business, I work with alot of veterans. Sometimes we have issues with the military and can't get help from within that system. Many times I've gone out of their system and contacted my political representatives (a Delegate, a Congressman, etc.). Even when I didn't have much hope, there WERE times when they helped. Again, I don't know if it will help, but I'm a hard head....I don't stop until I've exhaused all resources. If there is ANYTHING I can do to help you with this, please let me know. I love you both and you're in my thoughts and prayers!

The Hrudowsky Family April 30, 2009  

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can see how upset you are. Let me now if there is anything that I can do. I love you bunches!

Hale April 30, 2009  

*tear*

Hale April 30, 2009  

I have a screw-ball idea, but it just may work! We need to write Ellen or Oprah...I know it's crazy, but I've seen it done...I think Cola has the right idea too. We can't let this crappy situation win!

Cola April 30, 2009  

Great idea, Haley!!! Oprah can fix everything....not sure what kind of "don't ask, don't tell" relationship Ellen may have though! It's a "call to arms"!

The Hrudowsky Family April 30, 2009  

Here's the link to Ellen's page! http://ellen.warnerbros.com/show/respond/?PlugID=10 Who wants to fill it out???

florest family April 30, 2009  

Oh Courtney :( I'm so so sorry. I wish I had the answers. I know how much it takes to plan a wedding and to see that changed must be so hard. But please know you WILL be married and together and you WILL have a fabulous wedding. Please let me know if you need anything at all.

I agree to write to everyone who can help---good luck! :)

xoxo

Meredith April 30, 2009  

I am so sorry to hear about this Courtney and Austin. My heart goes out to you. I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling right now.

Melin April 30, 2009  

OMGosh, Courtney and Austin, my heart is breaking for you both, but I know how strong your love is and it will survive and you both will be stronger for this terrible bump in the road. I would not give up hope just yet, things do have a way of working out and I am confident that you both will find a beautiful way to be married, with or without the big hopla, don't get me wrong, I am praying that it will come to fruition, but you both need to be strong and lean on each other. Know that if there is anything or anyone I can call to assist you both, I'm there for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers... keep in mind that the best is yet to come... you will be married and we will all celebrate with you both, even if it is in our minds and hearts. You becoming husband and wife is what is the most important thing, the rest is all bennies! Keep your chins up and explore; I know you are disappointed and wow who wouldn't be, but if there is any chance you are smart people and you will find a way. Much love, hugs and prayers!

Mikey April 30, 2009  

I already emailed austin. I love you guys and I will be wherever you want me to be whenever it is. Everything works out eventually.

Jess May 03, 2009  

Courtney...... I am so sorry. I wish you did not have to deal with this, but think of the story your are going to have for your kids and grandkids now! Yours and Austins love is true and you are ment to be married and it will happen. I know you, you are going to make this work! I have faith in you. If I can help at all please let me know. XOXO

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